What happens when

You mix

One too many John Daley's with
Tequila with
Bday cake in the shape of a sheep with chocolate chips in the frosting with
Dancing like a fool and trying to take your sundress off (of course my bathing suit was on underneath!)with
Sleeping it off in the backseat of your friends car?

A bad scrape over your eye when you fall out of the backseat onto the pavement while innocent bystanders look on and say, "T, your pet is trying to escape. She just fell out of the car."

160 Characters

Getting rejected sucks. Every single form of it. On round 2 of me and the boy - it came down to the same issues again. But this time I wasn't going to just leave it be and not be spoken to. Because I knew I would have more chances of a response with a text message I decide to send one that basically says wtf? after always taking into consideration his situation - was he honestly shutting down on me again? and of course emphasized that i deserved so much better.

and then i got it back. the rejection text. the you are right..you do deserve better. the you want more than i can give. the you want a relationship...i don't. the i truly did enjoy our time together. ouch. there are so many things going through your head. are we truly doing this over text message? is this what closure is? is this what the end feels like? so then i decided that this was pretty much the last chance i had to "say" how i felt. but how do i get all my questions answered? how do i get validation for the last 8 months where i tried my hardest to mesh my wants and needs with the person who didn't have the same?

and how do you fit it all in a 160 character text message?

I think I just saw the back of Bobby Barker's head.

Again I suck at keeping up with my posts but honestly I haven't had any really funny or compelling stories to write about. However this past weekend was a great time at the good old Jersey shore.

I had to go down to Jersey for two work events in the middle of the week and then stayed down there for a fun weekend back in the Squan. My aunt was generous enough to let us stay at her house and she even drove us to the bar so we only had to take a cab home.

So Friday night she drops us off at the Osprey and literally as soon as she drops us off I turn to my good friend E and say - what are the odds that we are actually going to get a cab to drive us all the way back there. Not that it was THAT far - but it was definitely off of the main road and I would have no idea how to direct a cab there in the daylight, let alone after 2 a.m. after having a few libations.

So we decide to go to Leggetts since the Osprey was looking a little sparse. As soon as I walk in i feel instantly old. E decides to make tequila her drink of choice and proceeds to encourage this 12 year old to attach himself to me. I honestly don't know how he got in the bar. I think he was still in college. He had this surfer/homeless look about him with holes in his polo shirt and a shaggy haircut that kept getting in his eyes so he would whip his head to the side to fix them. Kind of like this :

I swear he could have knocked someone out with that hair flip. He will not leave my side as hard as I try to shake him off. Finally after me rejecting him about 25 times he got the hint and ran away.

So the bar closes and E and I go to grab some pizza that we love so much. She's too busy texting so I help myself to her slice as well. Now. the cabs are lined up outside so I decide to start interviewing for our trip home. 1. Do they have a GPS? 2. How much are they charging? I finally find a cab who does have a gps and says he would charge us $45 - which I bartered down to $40 (I have such good negotiation skills). So we hop on in and say goodbye to all the cabs who refused to drive us that far. So we finally get to my aunts house and all of a sudden we are back up to $45. E starts questioning him as to why he doesn't have one of those tickers that calculates how much we owe...we do have enough sense to take down his personal cell phone number in case we need to use him the next night.

The next day I'm putting everything away from my clutch and I suddently realize that my license is missing (along with my new lipstick). I immediately start to panic although I do stupid stuff like this all the time so I honestly wasn't surprised. I immediately call the cabbie (i've forgotten his name). And get the most bizarre voicemail - which I was tricked by the 59 other times I tried to call him. He says awlo? pause. awlo??? pause. pause. then says about 3 lines in what i think is arabic and then says to leave a message in english. I swear I thought he was actually answering the phone each time.

So we head to the beach to meet our other friends and I decide to try to retrace my steps. First I look outside in my aunt's lawn. nothing. then once we were back in the area I went back to leggett's. so the bartender is asking us all of these questions including what the name of the cab company was. which i can't remember (but i also have a funny feeling that the car was unmarked which i am embarrassed to admit to the bartender). (He also makes a funny face when i tell him the cab driver gave us his personal cell phone number). (Then E makes a funny face when she remembers there was no ticker). Were we duped? Had a local driven us home that night instead of a legitimate cab driver?? On top of all this I felt like my entire world went to shit when I stepped back into Manasquan - I had no gas, no money, no license, and no lunch. That's what that town can do to you.

So we spend the rest of the day at the beach and I'm developing alternate plans on how i'm going to get into the bar that night. On our way back to the car we notice the shack next to the osprey that we had considered renting. Instead of our friends - it was occupied by these frat looking guys grilling some hamburgers. We sigh that we are houseless this summer and keep on walking. So E and L our other good friend start our trek to find the Sonic that we saw on our way to the beach. I was super excited that a Sonic had opened in the area and wanted E and L to experience the Sonic deliciousness. L had to follow us cause she had taken her own car and we put the poor girl on this wild goose chase because i needed gas (at a sonoco) and money (from a bank of america). my little tom tom kept taking us to sonocos that were no longer sonocos and b of a's that were no longer b of a's. so it was becoming very unfun running all of our errands. I managed to lose L a couple of times and then we finally made it to the sonic and chowed down on popcorn chicken poppers, tater tots, a mini ice cream sundae, and mozzerella sticks. it was delish.

so we make it back to my aunt's house and i shamefully grab the phone book to start trying to call other cab companies. finally i get a call on my cell phone - SARAH! HOW ARE YOU? like we were long lost friends...it was cabbie and he had my license! however the catch was that we had to meet him in Asbury park which was about 25 minutes away and in not the best area. so even though we were all sleepy and sun soaked from the beach we piled back up into the car again to get my most precious license.

So we are near a shady area and all of a sudden i see my cabbie poke his head out of the window in the parking lot. We drive over and with a big smile on his face he hands me my license AND lipstick (yay!) through the window. there are three girls in his backseat who have looks on their faces like wtf is going on? is this some kind of drug transaction? so mission successful - the osprey plan is back on!

We get all gussied up and ready to go. L and I are wearing pretty much identical denim dresses which makes us look like back up singers to E who is dressed in black. We start out at Leggetts again where we chat with this one guy who seriously had a chip on his shoulder. He started out by saying we looked like we were having a horrible time. Oookkk. way to make a group of girls start chatting.

We decide to then head over to the Osprey where I'm so excited to have some sightings from the past two summers. To my dismay it was so different. Completely different crowd. New rules regarding footwear. My bartender is not at his usual location. Not good. So we do a couple of laps throughout the bar. I don't see any of the lifeguards from last summer which usually provide some entertaining stories and gossip. All of a sudden I think I see the back of one of my favorite lifeguard's heads which leads me to follow this mysterious person down the hall. I am losing E and L even more by the second. We then decide to say goodbye to the Osprey and head back over to Leggetts..

We find the guys that we were talking to at the beginning of the night and this is basically how the rest of the evening played out:

1. this brute of a guy tried to attack L and successfuly attacked me by knocking me to the ground with his death grip. it was seriously like beauty and the beast. he was trying to dance but his force was more than he realized and with essentially no effort he knocked me to the ground on my ass - i'm still recovering from the bruise.

2. going back to the shack of a house that the guys lived in and proceeding to eat hamburgers that probably had flies all over them at one point (after thinking back it was definitely the same hamburgers we saw them grilling on the walk back from the beach...scroll back up to beginning of story)

3. L making out with a boy who clearly had a piece of brain missing

4. E running a marathon

5. nohr the cab driver sweeping in to save us from that place

6. us stiffing nohr after all his good deeds

7. E asking me the next morning if i ever found Bobby Barker. Which is not his name. at all.

I couldn't have asked for a better weekend in the squan.

Alphabet Soup

That's how I feel like things are going right now: completely random but if you really try you can try to make some sense of it all and put those letters into an actual word.

W-O-R-K: I had my big Reunion weekend a couple of weekends ago. It was a huge success and we pretty much doubled our attendance from the year before. However there are always some unhappy campers in the group. Some of the finer feedback from the alumni:

" I WILL NEVER ATTEND A REUNION AGAIN LIKE THIS UNLESS THINGS CHANGE."

"In my opinion, it was almsost like they did not want to do a reunion but knew they had to put one together because that is what the alumni expect. PC should be ashamed of themselves on how they treat their alumni."

hahah in other words these comments make me proud to be an alum and to work my ass off to put on such a huge and complex event. (i did get other positive remarks but those aren't as fun)

L-O-V-E: Still on this roller coaster. As soon as I feel like I'm moving forward and up - my stomach flops as I go plunging down again...I'm still holding on though.

H-O-M-E: Well the house hunt continues. I managed to fall in love with a house on the wrong side of the tracks. When i went to show it to my dad we passed a hooker on the corner and the door knob to the back door was removed after someone tried to break in. That went over well. Haha the first isn't true but the second one is. Why does HGTV make everything look so easy and affordable??

T-V: Sadly - television is the most consistent thing in my life currently. I'm envious of Jillian on the Bachelorette, watching the Real Houswives of NJ is somewhat comforting in an odd way, and I watch the dancers religiously on So You think You Can Dance.

So all in all - life keeps going. But what is the word that I keep looking to spell with those soggy letters? Happy? Content? Changing? Complete?

I'm not sure exactly but all I know is that I try to keep

L-A-U-G-H-I-N-G.

Just YouTube It

Tomorrow is my birthday. 28. This past Saturday I had plans with friends to go out for dinner and drinks to celebrate. I've been known to try to look my best when it's a special occasion. Ya know I'll schedule a hair appointment, maybe get my makeup done, wear a new outfit. I've also been known not to react well when it doesn't work out as I had planned.

Saturday morning things started to unravel. First my hairdresser called because she had to cancel my appointment. She had an emergency with her baby who apparently fell. (i think she dropped him). Ok fine. I can do my own hair. Then I go to look at another condo with my realtor. No closets. No parking. No go. Ok fine. I'm not going to be homeless until Sept. 1 - I still have some more time. Then I find out the boy is definitely going to pass on coming out and is going to stay in and recover from being sick and work on finals (so studious). I'm bummed. Ok fine. We will go out on my actual birthday. That's better anyway. Then I go to the mall because I wanted to wear the fake eyelashes that the MAC counter convinced me to buy for my tv interview. It completely intimidates me to try to adhere something to my eye with glue. So i thought they could do it and maybe put some makeup on me while they were at it.

I go up to the counter and the woman tells me that they have a policy that they can't put eyelashes on customers that were already worn. Excuse me? I don't think you know who you are dealing with. Not budging. Not an inch. Then she says that putting them on is really easy and just to "youtube it". I think at that point I wanted to lean over and strangle her.

Now in the grand scheme of things putting on fake eyelashes is pretty meaningless and I'm sure if I took the time I could figure out how to do it. However now I'm about to start the 28th year of my life and am continuing to try to figure it all out when it comes to matters of the heart, my career and taking that next huge step in life when I finally find that dream house.

Maybe I'll just have to youtube it.

La la la la la la tonight!

I had the most random night last night. ( I also decided to just use real names in this post because i don't have enough energy to come up with fake ones and this post is not incriminating in any way and "foxy" is my only friend who has a nickname as ridiculous as that)

Let’s just say I started at the Cadillac Lounge (strip club) with my trainer who has never been to a strip club and had enough ones to tip all the strippers in providence. I don’t know if it’s good or bad that:

1. I was asked if I was here for my shift when I walked in.
2. I knew one of the waitresses – Donna – who is also my psychic.

I then went to meet foxy white at twist (one of my favorite restaurants)– who never showed up. I was holding court at the bar and chatted with two men over the age of 60 and then another older gentleman who bought me a drink. (i have had several at this point because i was trying to keep myself occupied while waiting for her) Her sister, her friend Trevor and this other guy David all came in because she also told them to go there. So the four of us hung out. Then I run into my other friend Gunther who was having dinner with some friends. Gunther is like – you should ask David who is brother is. (they all know each other because providence is one incestuous town). So I finally did.


David Knight. You figure it out.






Ok if you still haven't figured it out as soon as I found out I started spelling out nkotb with my body to Gunther through the glass window where he was sitting with his friends. David was of course in the bathroom at the time.

Update: Even though we thought foxy had stood us up that evening we came to find out that unfortunately she had gotten into a car accident while texting. (hit a pole while she was probably texting me back). I may have sent her a couple text messages insinuating that she was not telling the truth when she said she was on her way. Turns out that she lost her cell phone during the whole debacle and I'm almost positive that my texts went through post accident. If that's not a Seinfeldesq ending I don't know what is.

Good Old Joanie

I haven't written in awhile because I have been so busy. I've been house hunting and think I have found something that I want to put an offer on. In the meantime Joan my landlord has already found someone to rent out my apartment so basically I will be out on the street if I don't make a move.

This is all happening really fast and it makes me think back to all of the "events" that have occurred that have brought me and Joan together.

I slipped and fell on ice in front of the apartment so hard that I "flopped like a fish". I ended up breaking my elbow and tried to convince Joan to pay for my medical bills. It didn't work in my favor that I was intoxicated at the time of the fall.

Joan and I had to conduct an investigation when a huge box of jewelry worth $1,000 was stolen from the apartment building. (it would be my luck that my first huge jewelry party order was stolen) "Carlos the handyman" put it in front of the stairs and sometime between 1:00 pm and 5:00 pm it went missing. Joan then insisted on going through each person's apartment when they weren't home which I believe is illegal.

Joan is deathly afraid of fire so my beautiful fireplace isn't even usable and because she boarded it up. However a bat/bird/squirrel/unidentifiable animal flew down the chimney and got stuck. It kept flapping/scurrying all around until I think it eventually died.

Being on the first floor everyone knows that heat rises. Also since this is an old home the air gets through every little crack and crevice. And since I am constantly cold I tended to keep the theromstat a little bit higher than normal. (ok much higher) Until Joan took it off one day and replaced it without me knowing with one that I couldn't turn above 70 degrees.

If I had a dollar for every time I said "JESUS CHRIST JOAN!" over these last four years I'd have the money for that downpayment on my new house.

Ahh. Good old Joanie.