So here we are - the last days of 2008. It has been quite a year I feel like I have come a long way since this time last year.
On New Year's Day last year my friend and I were on a plane to Florida to bask in the sun for a few days. Too bad the sun didn't come out at all while we were there and I insisted on going tanning every day so I came back with a tan. During that trip I also had another pointless relationship end via telephone. But that was ok - I was starting the new year fresh and without any obnoxious guys who have smell issues (yes it was bad). So on the plane ride home I decided to write goals for 2008. Looking back now, surprisingly I did pretty well.
Throughout the year I got a new job, started my jewelry selling business, started seeing a trainer, and was inspired to start this blog which the five of you enjoy reading so much. I was trying new things like taking dance classes, learning about different wines and trying out new recipes (I think I always resort back to pesto pasta with chicken and zucchini). On top of that I had a much more positive attitude - my parents and friends noticed a difference in my outlook and when there were times that I fell down I was picking myself right back up. Sure I still dating the wrong guys and having my fair share of heartbreak and disappointment. But through it all I learned more about myself and what I was ultimately looking for in the end.
I have a brand new set of goals this year - some the same from last year, some new and exciting but the theme stays the same - trying to live my best life.
It's definitely a work in progress...
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Dear Santaglas
So in between reading the 3rd book in the Twilight series (yes I am still obsessed, my mother had to slowly back me away from the Twilight display at Borders that was equipped with a full stock of Edward t-shirts) I traveled home from RI to NJ to celebrate Christmas with my family. Sometimes it's hard to get in the spirit when you are at the age that I am. Christmas is so hyped up when you are a little kid that it's sometimes hard to have that same excitement when you are too old for some of the traditions (however I will still be wearing my new christmas eve pjs) yet you don't have a family of your own yet to start the traditions that you enjoyed so much growing up. I was very fortunate that my parents always made Christmas fun and exciting for me and my brother - but of course not without a few hitches along the way.
Christmas 1985 - (Pre-brother) every god damn present under that tree was for me including my full kitchen set which I think is bigger than the own I currently have now.
Christmas 1986 - Now that my baby brother was in the picture the video camera was solely on him and all you could hear in the background was me saying thank you incessantly desperate for any attention. I occasionally gave him a piece of wrapping paper to play with. I'm so giving.
Christmas 1988 - The first time we drove down to Florida to visit my grandparents. Happened to also be the first blizzard Georgia and Northern Florida had seen in over 20 years. I couldn't stop crying thinking that Santa Claus wouldn't be able to find us in a motel while we were stranded.
Christmas 1989 - Our 2nd attempt to drive to Florida - my father wanted to get there so bad he hated to make any "unnecessary stops" along the way. Which resorted to my brother being so thirsty he started drinking out of my doll's baby bottle (which I had to throw up to the front to him since I was traveling in the way back of the suburban with the luggage) (cause my brother got car sick and needed the whole back seat)
Christmas 1991 -I couldn't get enough New Kids on the Block paraphernalia including my oversized door poster. Hmm some things haven't changed much.
Christmas 1993 - My father wasn't always the best at putting things together so I put together all of my brother's gifts including a pool table for the basement - who knew I was so handy with the a screwdriver!
Christmas 1999 - My first Christmas home from college all of my clothes had to be returned after I had gained the freshman 15.
Christmas 2002 - My dad got my mom a "shopping spree" for christmas which included a gift certificate to Lane Bryant. That didn't go over well.
Christmas 2006 - In my effort to be sentimental I had a plaque made for my dad's office commemorating 25 years of his painting and paperhanging business. As he opened it he started bawling his eyes out and none of us knew why. As we all sat there in shock we didn't know what to do so we all started crying.
Christmas 2007 - To bring my extended family closer on Christmas Eve I did what I know best - I started multiple rounds of buttery nipple shots.
There were certainly many more wonderful memories over the years and many generous gifts. (Although my mother was famous for "replacing" brand name items for a more value conscious purchase When I asked for Coach I got Goach. When I asked for Tommy Girl I got Johnny Gal. When I asked for Uggs I got Fuggs ("but they are from Australia!" says my mother...)) And even though my brother and I would tease each other and argue over the holidays last night I found a letter he wrote to Santa all by himself when he was 7.
Dear Santaglas,
I am 7 in a half (then there was an arrow and it said look up and he had added the word This which i think was to start the next sentence) (This) You will find on chrismise eve and give my sister a extra prezint ok, and give me another note ok and santaglas write on the back of this papaer and eat my cookeis if you want to.
from c.f.
to santaglas.
And that is what Christmas is all about.
Christmas 1985 - (Pre-brother) every god damn present under that tree was for me including my full kitchen set which I think is bigger than the own I currently have now.
Christmas 1986 - Now that my baby brother was in the picture the video camera was solely on him and all you could hear in the background was me saying thank you incessantly desperate for any attention. I occasionally gave him a piece of wrapping paper to play with. I'm so giving.
Christmas 1988 - The first time we drove down to Florida to visit my grandparents. Happened to also be the first blizzard Georgia and Northern Florida had seen in over 20 years. I couldn't stop crying thinking that Santa Claus wouldn't be able to find us in a motel while we were stranded.
Christmas 1989 - Our 2nd attempt to drive to Florida - my father wanted to get there so bad he hated to make any "unnecessary stops" along the way. Which resorted to my brother being so thirsty he started drinking out of my doll's baby bottle (which I had to throw up to the front to him since I was traveling in the way back of the suburban with the luggage) (cause my brother got car sick and needed the whole back seat)
Christmas 1991 -I couldn't get enough New Kids on the Block paraphernalia including my oversized door poster. Hmm some things haven't changed much.
Christmas 1993 - My father wasn't always the best at putting things together so I put together all of my brother's gifts including a pool table for the basement - who knew I was so handy with the a screwdriver!
Christmas 1999 - My first Christmas home from college all of my clothes had to be returned after I had gained the freshman 15.
Christmas 2002 - My dad got my mom a "shopping spree" for christmas which included a gift certificate to Lane Bryant. That didn't go over well.
Christmas 2006 - In my effort to be sentimental I had a plaque made for my dad's office commemorating 25 years of his painting and paperhanging business. As he opened it he started bawling his eyes out and none of us knew why. As we all sat there in shock we didn't know what to do so we all started crying.
Christmas 2007 - To bring my extended family closer on Christmas Eve I did what I know best - I started multiple rounds of buttery nipple shots.
There were certainly many more wonderful memories over the years and many generous gifts. (Although my mother was famous for "replacing" brand name items for a more value conscious purchase When I asked for Coach I got Goach. When I asked for Tommy Girl I got Johnny Gal. When I asked for Uggs I got Fuggs ("but they are from Australia!" says my mother...)) And even though my brother and I would tease each other and argue over the holidays last night I found a letter he wrote to Santa all by himself when he was 7.
Dear Santaglas,
I am 7 in a half (then there was an arrow and it said look up and he had added the word This which i think was to start the next sentence) (This) You will find on chrismise eve and give my sister a extra prezint ok, and give me another note ok and santaglas write on the back of this papaer and eat my cookeis if you want to.
from c.f.
to santaglas.
And that is what Christmas is all about.
Monday, December 15, 2008
I'm obsessed.
With Twilight.
I feel like I'm always slightly behind the latest trend. I was french cuffing my jeans well into middle school when everyone else had moved on to the baggy jeans. I was enjoying bacon and steak on the Atkins diet while everyone had moved onto the South Beach Diet. My friends and I started spending our summers in Manasquan about five years later than everyone else - hence making us the oldest people dancing in the boom boom room at the Osprey. I think you get my point.
Craziness has ensued around me for the last month yet I just recently became aware of this phenomenon of a teenage love story involving a vampire. After seeing how amazingly hot the vampire is in the movie (yes I'm drooling right along with adolescent 14 year olds) I immediately ran out to buy the book which I then finished in 3 days (ok i know that isn't that hard) and have plans to see the movie tomorrow night.
Yet of course I am behind the eight ball because people have already read the entire 4 book SERIES and have seen the movie yet I insist on telling everyone I come into contact with that I just finished book #1. Where have I been? Even the fact that I am writing this post about Twilight after the hundreds of others shows that sometimes I can be 3 steps behind. Whatever. The surprising thing is that I'm not really into this fantasy/scary/hero-esq type of movie. It's the love story that obviously got me. But I can tell you that I'm hooked.
I think they are onto something here with making these fantasy series into movies. Maybe I will give that boy with the round glasses a try. ;)
I feel like I'm always slightly behind the latest trend. I was french cuffing my jeans well into middle school when everyone else had moved on to the baggy jeans. I was enjoying bacon and steak on the Atkins diet while everyone had moved onto the South Beach Diet. My friends and I started spending our summers in Manasquan about five years later than everyone else - hence making us the oldest people dancing in the boom boom room at the Osprey. I think you get my point.
Craziness has ensued around me for the last month yet I just recently became aware of this phenomenon of a teenage love story involving a vampire. After seeing how amazingly hot the vampire is in the movie (yes I'm drooling right along with adolescent 14 year olds) I immediately ran out to buy the book which I then finished in 3 days (ok i know that isn't that hard) and have plans to see the movie tomorrow night.
Yet of course I am behind the eight ball because people have already read the entire 4 book SERIES and have seen the movie yet I insist on telling everyone I come into contact with that I just finished book #1. Where have I been? Even the fact that I am writing this post about Twilight after the hundreds of others shows that sometimes I can be 3 steps behind. Whatever. The surprising thing is that I'm not really into this fantasy/scary/hero-esq type of movie. It's the love story that obviously got me. But I can tell you that I'm hooked.
I think they are onto something here with making these fantasy series into movies. Maybe I will give that boy with the round glasses a try. ;)
Monday, December 8, 2008
Rejection Disguised in a Catholic School Uniform
One of those survey emails was just started by one of my high school friends that asked 5 things that you were doing 10 years ago. 10 years ago would have brought me back to the middle of my senior year in high school. A time in my life where I thought I had come so far yet was already experiencing some of life's little (or major if you asked my 17 year old self) disappointments. Who am I kidding? They are still major if I'm talking about them 10 years later.
First I will share with you the 5 things I was doing 10 years ago - and so important it seemed like they were:
1. Figuring out when I should get my highlights done again .- let's face it. This was extremely important to avoid horrible roots. However I am shocked at how I was able to afford highlights on a regular basis when 1. i can't afford them now and 2. i was working off of a salary of a ymca daycare employee.
2. Listening to Baby One more Time and the Chimney Song with my bff in HS in his car. - We discovered the Chimney Song - and it was the start of our love of vocal house music. And let's just say - 10 years later and I'm still trying to buy Britney tickets.
3. Picking up almost everyone that attended my high school from my home town and squishing them into my 1995 Mitsubishi Gallant to bring them to school each morning.
4. Falling asleep in Mr. Downing's history class.
5. Signing up to be on the prom committee - we will see the aftermath of this in a few minutes.
After we started this list - it got us talking about all of the things we tried to do but were DENIED in high school.
1. Antioch team leaders - being a retreat team leader was somewhat of a social status in high school. However it was kind of ironic because you had to have some kind of sad sob story to get you picked. But then everyone idolized you for it.
2. Fashion show participants. Again another sign of social status. Certain students were "selected" to participate in this annual fashion show fundraiser. It gave girls the opportunity to walk down the runway in a really pretty dress with their hair all done up with a cute buy from class to the song "Wonderful Tonight". Usually the "models" were captains of athletic teams, or President's of certain clubs. Hello? Why wasn't the captain of the colorguard represented??
3. Coffeehouse performers - that one hurt. My bff from number 2 up top and I were a Will and Grace of sorts in high school. We decided that he was going to sing My One True Friend while I played along on the piano. Well besides the fact that we practiced about 5 minutes before our audition we were RUDELY laughed at and cut on the spot immediately. Only to get to the Coffeehouse a month later to see that EVERYONE that performed was horrible. And our friends were on the selection committee.
4. Prom King and Queen - I came close with Prom Princess but then had fake blood thrown on me a la carrie fisher. haha jk. BFF and I of course went to the prom together and I have to say probably did look the best. I made it to Prom Court - which was a feat in itself yet on the way out heard some b**tch say "ohhhh that's why she got it" after I hugged the prom committee moderator. I will f**king kill you.
5. Leads in the play senior year - BFF came way closer to this than i did. We used to sing for hours on end the music to Anthing Goes before the audition. However we changed the words from Anything Goes to "This Really Blows". We were so god damn clever.
Now don't get me wrong - there were many high points in high school as well. I did love being the captain of the colorguard and was a member of the National Honor Society, among other things that defined my true self in HS. However these other things for some reason stayed with me...and it continued in college as I tried so hard to get involved. I guess they were lessons early on that some things were just not meant to be - even if you did practice walking down that damn runway in your mirror a zillion times.
First I will share with you the 5 things I was doing 10 years ago - and so important it seemed like they were:
1. Figuring out when I should get my highlights done again .- let's face it. This was extremely important to avoid horrible roots. However I am shocked at how I was able to afford highlights on a regular basis when 1. i can't afford them now and 2. i was working off of a salary of a ymca daycare employee.
2. Listening to Baby One more Time and the Chimney Song with my bff in HS in his car. - We discovered the Chimney Song - and it was the start of our love of vocal house music. And let's just say - 10 years later and I'm still trying to buy Britney tickets.
3. Picking up almost everyone that attended my high school from my home town and squishing them into my 1995 Mitsubishi Gallant to bring them to school each morning.
4. Falling asleep in Mr. Downing's history class.
5. Signing up to be on the prom committee - we will see the aftermath of this in a few minutes.
After we started this list - it got us talking about all of the things we tried to do but were DENIED in high school.
1. Antioch team leaders - being a retreat team leader was somewhat of a social status in high school. However it was kind of ironic because you had to have some kind of sad sob story to get you picked. But then everyone idolized you for it.
2. Fashion show participants. Again another sign of social status. Certain students were "selected" to participate in this annual fashion show fundraiser. It gave girls the opportunity to walk down the runway in a really pretty dress with their hair all done up with a cute buy from class to the song "Wonderful Tonight". Usually the "models" were captains of athletic teams, or President's of certain clubs. Hello? Why wasn't the captain of the colorguard represented??
3. Coffeehouse performers - that one hurt. My bff from number 2 up top and I were a Will and Grace of sorts in high school. We decided that he was going to sing My One True Friend while I played along on the piano. Well besides the fact that we practiced about 5 minutes before our audition we were RUDELY laughed at and cut on the spot immediately. Only to get to the Coffeehouse a month later to see that EVERYONE that performed was horrible. And our friends were on the selection committee.
4. Prom King and Queen - I came close with Prom Princess but then had fake blood thrown on me a la carrie fisher. haha jk. BFF and I of course went to the prom together and I have to say probably did look the best. I made it to Prom Court - which was a feat in itself yet on the way out heard some b**tch say "ohhhh that's why she got it" after I hugged the prom committee moderator. I will f**king kill you.
5. Leads in the play senior year - BFF came way closer to this than i did. We used to sing for hours on end the music to Anthing Goes before the audition. However we changed the words from Anything Goes to "This Really Blows". We were so god damn clever.
Now don't get me wrong - there were many high points in high school as well. I did love being the captain of the colorguard and was a member of the National Honor Society, among other things that defined my true self in HS. However these other things for some reason stayed with me...and it continued in college as I tried so hard to get involved. I guess they were lessons early on that some things were just not meant to be - even if you did practice walking down that damn runway in your mirror a zillion times.
Monday, December 1, 2008
I am thankful for...
So the holiday season is officially upon us. For me the Christmas season starts the day after Thanksgiving. I did not give in to any of the Christmas nonsense before that - some radio stations were already playing 24 hour Christmas music! Ridiculous. Anyway - so I was home in NJ for the holiday and instead of going on and on about what I did over the few days I was home I figured I would just summarize it in a nice little list of things that happened over the weekend that I am thankful for...
1. No traffic on 95 until my last 45 minutes home - so close yet so far away.
2. The fact that out of all the 97 bars in Hoboken TJ managed to walk into the one that I was in on Thanksgiving Eve.
3. That after the awkward run in I told my new peaceful Swiss friend that he had to fight TJ and while looking so confused kept saying "Vy are vee fighting?"
4. Being put on bathroom duty on Thanksgiving morning after I accidentally turned the oven off while the turkey was cooking.
5. Having so many different pies for dessert that each person had a whole pie to themselves. (back off the apple is mine!)
6. Repeatedly being asked by my uncle "what's wrong with me" in regards to my dating life.
7. On Black Friday sleeping until 11:00 am and after waking up saying - I guess I missed all of the sales.
8. Opting instead to watch all of those "wedding shows" on WE and Oxygen that I don't get in Providence.
9. Going "shopping" in my parents basement for toilet paper, paper towels, garbage bags, and sponges to take back to my apartment.
10. Always knowing that everything is as it should be when I'm at home.
1. No traffic on 95 until my last 45 minutes home - so close yet so far away.
2. The fact that out of all the 97 bars in Hoboken TJ managed to walk into the one that I was in on Thanksgiving Eve.
3. That after the awkward run in I told my new peaceful Swiss friend that he had to fight TJ and while looking so confused kept saying "Vy are vee fighting?"
4. Being put on bathroom duty on Thanksgiving morning after I accidentally turned the oven off while the turkey was cooking.
5. Having so many different pies for dessert that each person had a whole pie to themselves. (back off the apple is mine!)
6. Repeatedly being asked by my uncle "what's wrong with me" in regards to my dating life.
7. On Black Friday sleeping until 11:00 am and after waking up saying - I guess I missed all of the sales.
8. Opting instead to watch all of those "wedding shows" on WE and Oxygen that I don't get in Providence.
9. Going "shopping" in my parents basement for toilet paper, paper towels, garbage bags, and sponges to take back to my apartment.
10. Always knowing that everything is as it should be when I'm at home.
Friday, November 21, 2008
It's Cold Out There
What's that saying? It's either feast or famine? Pouring buckets or a drought? I recently met someone and knock on wood it's been going really well. I don't want to say too much about it because I'm always superstitious that I will jinx it somehow. However - it seems to be sending out some signal into the dating world that this opportunity has come upon me because all of these past "flings" have resurfaced recently.
Doesn't Want to Be Left Out in the Cold #1 - The French Writer. Met at the new club Shrine at Foxwoods over the summer. I couldn't get past the fact that all we talked about was the fact that he was French. and a Writer. I'm surprised his text message didn't say "hey étranger".
Doesn't Want to Be Left Out in the Cold #2 - Blast from the Past. He surely got the bat call cause I met him in nyc AT LEAST 3 years ago. Took the Chinatown bus up to see me one weekend. Never to be heard from again. Until 2 days ago.
Doesn't Want to Be Left Out in the Cold #3 - The Golf Pro. I must have talked about him before at some point since we have been on and off for at least a year and a half. He is currently thinking we are "on".
Doesn't Want to Be Left Out in the Cold #4 - "John" from post "Tagteam back again". We actually ended up going out one night to this extravagant dinner/show - put on by himself. To not hear from him again until I get this text at 6:40 am. "You are the first thing I think about when I wake up". hahah what? To which I respond "I think you meant to send this to someone else".
Was never in from the cold #5 - Pabsblue - Someone I talked to on an online dating site - literally 3 years ago. Suddenly has resurfaced, has a girlfriend, yet wants to know when he can take me out on the town. Eerily remembers things that I told him when we initially talked. I needed to remind him that 1. he still has a girlfriend and 2. we have never met and 3. is your screenname supposed to be a type of beer?
and last but not least
Would get married to not be left out in the cold #6 - My POF Pilot. When I asked if he could fly for free he responded - yes and when we are married you can too. Then when he didn't hear from me in awhile left a message saying - what did you go off and get married? Whoa. put down the wedding magazines and stop dialing the phone number to a wedding planner.
And I made sure to tell "John" when I saw him on facebook before I went to bed the other night..."You are the last thing I think about before I go to sleep."
You better get your hat and mittens.
Doesn't Want to Be Left Out in the Cold #1 - The French Writer. Met at the new club Shrine at Foxwoods over the summer. I couldn't get past the fact that all we talked about was the fact that he was French. and a Writer. I'm surprised his text message didn't say "hey étranger".
Doesn't Want to Be Left Out in the Cold #2 - Blast from the Past. He surely got the bat call cause I met him in nyc AT LEAST 3 years ago. Took the Chinatown bus up to see me one weekend. Never to be heard from again. Until 2 days ago.
Doesn't Want to Be Left Out in the Cold #3 - The Golf Pro. I must have talked about him before at some point since we have been on and off for at least a year and a half. He is currently thinking we are "on".
Doesn't Want to Be Left Out in the Cold #4 - "John" from post "Tagteam back again". We actually ended up going out one night to this extravagant dinner/show - put on by himself. To not hear from him again until I get this text at 6:40 am. "You are the first thing I think about when I wake up". hahah what? To which I respond "I think you meant to send this to someone else".
Was never in from the cold #5 - Pabsblue - Someone I talked to on an online dating site - literally 3 years ago. Suddenly has resurfaced, has a girlfriend, yet wants to know when he can take me out on the town. Eerily remembers things that I told him when we initially talked. I needed to remind him that 1. he still has a girlfriend and 2. we have never met and 3. is your screenname supposed to be a type of beer?
and last but not least
Would get married to not be left out in the cold #6 - My POF Pilot. When I asked if he could fly for free he responded - yes and when we are married you can too. Then when he didn't hear from me in awhile left a message saying - what did you go off and get married? Whoa. put down the wedding magazines and stop dialing the phone number to a wedding planner.
And I made sure to tell "John" when I saw him on facebook before I went to bed the other night..."You are the last thing I think about before I go to sleep."
You better get your hat and mittens.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To
So one of my favorite bars called me on Tuesday saying that my name had been picked for one of their VIP parties. What does that exactly mean - well they give you $3 drink specials and some free apps. However there was a twist - whichever VIP host could bring in the most guests would win a $100 bar tab. That my friends, I could definitely use.
So I immediately go into anxiety mode - who would I invite, would anyone actually come? While I have a number of friends from lots of different places in Providence, I didn't have a solid group of people that I knew would definitely come. I decided to create an event on Facebook and adorned it with one of my favorite picks from Southern Bell's wedding - me with the blow up guitar. How could anyone not want to go to a party hosted by me??
So for the first 24 hours I was the only person attending - (I think I invited around 25 people). I was seriously in a full blown panic. Not only was no one coming but everyone could see that no one was replying yes. Thankfully my friend J and his partner agreed to go so I knew that I wouldn't be by myself. A few others trickled in but that was about it. So then I had the dilemma of whether or not I ask my boss to attend. He is on Facebook and I had invited some other people from work that are on Facebook so I knew that he would see it. He already had made a comment about how he wasn't sent my Halloween pics as Sarah Palin - but saw them from someone else. So I decided to go ahead and invite him - and of course by 10:00 pm last night. It was me, J and R, T, and my boss. Exceellllleeennt.
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. (which I totally will when its only me and my gays - at least I know they are loyal).
So I immediately go into anxiety mode - who would I invite, would anyone actually come? While I have a number of friends from lots of different places in Providence, I didn't have a solid group of people that I knew would definitely come. I decided to create an event on Facebook and adorned it with one of my favorite picks from Southern Bell's wedding - me with the blow up guitar. How could anyone not want to go to a party hosted by me??
So for the first 24 hours I was the only person attending - (I think I invited around 25 people). I was seriously in a full blown panic. Not only was no one coming but everyone could see that no one was replying yes. Thankfully my friend J and his partner agreed to go so I knew that I wouldn't be by myself. A few others trickled in but that was about it. So then I had the dilemma of whether or not I ask my boss to attend. He is on Facebook and I had invited some other people from work that are on Facebook so I knew that he would see it. He already had made a comment about how he wasn't sent my Halloween pics as Sarah Palin - but saw them from someone else. So I decided to go ahead and invite him - and of course by 10:00 pm last night. It was me, J and R, T, and my boss. Exceellllleeennt.
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. (which I totally will when its only me and my gays - at least I know they are loyal).
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