This past weekend I was home in NJ and as always it was action packed. I tend to like to schedule a million things into a 48 hour weekend that I end up literally running from one thing to another. This weekend was no different. I recently started selling jewelry through one of those home show companies (haha because I have sooo much free time) and my mom was hosting my first show at our house so I ran to Costco with her (only after having a meeting at the Marriott for my ten year high school reunion and stopping at the mall for a new fall coat).
As soon as we get there I make a beeline for all of the sample stations - obviously the best part of any Costco shopping trip. I was immediately disappointed to only find a swiss cheese station, italian wedding soup station, and an assorted nut station (poor showing Costco). So I go over to the assorted nuts and am sampling the cinammon sugar covered almonds and butter rum pecans and I see out of the corner of my eye this steroid loving muscle man with tatoos all over his arms looking at me. I turn around to leave and he says to me "those are some good nuts right?" and I kind of mumble "yeah they are". Thinking that our interaction was over (and contemplating whether or not to turn around for one more sugar almond) I decide to try to find another sample station. As I'm walking away my tattoo man starts to follow me and all of a sudden says "hey you dropped something" and as I turn around he is picking up a piece of paper off the ground. He hands it to me and I'm just staring at it realizing that he has just handed me his phone number. Just to clarify tattoo man says "It's my phone number". I say oh thanks and proceed to run to try to find my mother where I say "Mother F-er" "We need to leave immmeeediately." I swear this only happens to me - I attract weirdos wherever I go.
As soon as we get there I make a beeline for all of the sample stations - obviously the best part of any Costco shopping trip. I was immediately disappointed to only find a swiss cheese station, italian wedding soup station, and an assorted nut station (poor showing Costco). So I go over to the assorted nuts and am sampling the cinammon sugar covered almonds and butter rum pecans and I see out of the corner of my eye this steroid loving muscle man with tatoos all over his arms looking at me. I turn around to leave and he says to me "those are some good nuts right?" and I kind of mumble "yeah they are". Thinking that our interaction was over (and contemplating whether or not to turn around for one more sugar almond) I decide to try to find another sample station. As I'm walking away my tattoo man starts to follow me and all of a sudden says "hey you dropped something" and as I turn around he is picking up a piece of paper off the ground. He hands it to me and I'm just staring at it realizing that he has just handed me his phone number. Just to clarify tattoo man says "It's my phone number". I say oh thanks and proceed to run to try to find my mother where I say "Mother F-er" "We need to leave immmeeediately." I swear this only happens to me - I attract weirdos wherever I go.
Here is the number on the floor reinactment (very law and order)
After my mother had a good chuckle about this we examine the piece of paper which has CLEARLY been sitting in his back pocket for a long time (I mean it is rare to see someone as stunning as I stuffing her face with nuts at Costco) however it was quite disturbing that he was so prepared for our run-in.
Of course my mother thinks I need to start touring all of the Costco's for eligible bachelors. I mean honestly - why can't a handsome, smart, funny, not afraid of commitments man start dropping his phone number at my feet? Because that's not how the world works. It will continue to make me sample every nut on this planet until the right one comes along.
Costco, stock up.
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2 comments:
1 - Best post title ever.
2 - I'm stealing tatoo dude's opening line "Those are some good nuts, right?" Are you kidding me? That's effing hysterical!
3 - Don't feel bad. The guy who works at the Convenient Mart down the street asked me out on Wednesday. This was his opening line when I walked in the store: "Man, what is going on? They must be sending all the hot chicks to our store." Yeah. That's gold, baby.
Hahaha I don't know where these guys get the nerve. I took a picture of the phone number on the paper. I need to put it on here.
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