Caution: "Snowy Conditions May Cause Incessant Calling From Parents"

So my Christmas holiday was cut short by the warning of the first "blizzard" of the winter season. The morning after Christmas day (the day where you are supposed to sleep in, stay in your pj's, try on your new stuff, etc.) my mother wakes me up at 8:00 am and tells me that I really need to "get on the road". Now my original plan was to not leave until Monday night - have dinner with my good friend on my way back and potentially meet up with a new guy that I met on Thursday for a drink. However that all quickly went away.

I was quickly packed up, ate a quick breakfast, was asked 8 times if I forgot anything (I say yes and of course I did forget) and was on the road. So I'm trying to beat the storm and get to Rhode Island in time.

I leave at about 9:40 a.m.

10:00 a.m. - Phone call number one from Home. How are the roads? Is there traffic?

10:35 a.m. - Phone call number two from Home. Did it start snowing yet?

11:42 a.m. - Phone call number one from Dad cell. How are the roads? Is there traffic?

12:15 p.m. - Phone call number three from Home. Mom - "you forgot all your coats at home". Me - "oh shoot, well you can bring them when you come to visit in a couple of days". Mom - "so you don't have a coat in the car". Me - "am i planning on hiking part of the way?"

12:45 p.m. - Phone call number two from Dad cell. Dad - "this is the 30 minute check in for Sarah". Me - "I haven't moved much since I had to stop to pee because of that green tea you insisted on putting in my cup holder and then I got something to eat" Dad - "Pat! (my mom) - she had to pee".

2:00 p.m. - Phone call number four from Home. (now it's really starting to come down and I'm only going 40 mph and in a permanent lean forward stance with my hands at 10 and 2). Dad - "it's really starting to come down here - how about where you are". Me - "yes it's coming down and i can't talk because i'm trying to concentrate. i'm in mystic. good bye."

2:25 p.m. - Phone call number one from my cell to Home. "I just crossed the Rhode Island border. Good bye".

3:00 p.m. Phone call number five from Home. Mom - "where are you now?" Me - "I'm by the airport". Mom - "I don't think you should stop at work to get your lap top." Me - "I'm already past the exit for my house and if I get snowed in without my lap top I may jump off my deck."

3:45 p.m. Phone call number two from my cell to Home. "I'm finally home - I just pulled in." Mom "OH THANK GOD - GOD ANSWERED MY PRAYERS". Mom again "Did they plow yet in your parking lot?"

4:30 pm. Sarah taking a hot bubble bath and then polishing off a bottle of wine.

A Whole New World

So I committed single status suicide - I am the single girl who mailed out a photo Christmas card. I never thought I would do it. Never. I would look at pictures of those on people's refrigerators and think to myself how these women could bring themselves to mail something out to all their friends and family that screams - I'm all alone!! I have no one else to take this picture with me! Sure people try to disguise the picture by posing with their dog, or in front of a great landmark that they traveled to, or maybe make some kind of joke about it (like using their Halloween costume of a mail order bride as the featured photo - with a caption of "don't know what to get that special someone for Christmas?? How about a mail order bride!).





Well who did I choose to pose with for this symbolic occasion? He takes girls on dates on magic carpets, looks dashing in MC Hammer pants, always has golden glow about him and has a pet monkey. Yes I'm talking about the one and only Aladdin. It was a photo from where we met - on that beautiful sound stage of Morocco at Epcot. Here is a picture of him with his previous family (obviously before we met). And the card says Merry Christmas - Hoping all your dreams come true. Because mine is definitely to run away with Aladdin.

So anyway - yes obviously i'm not dating Aladdin - because that would defeat the purpose of this post..to confirm to my family and friends that i'm still single. (and he's already taken by that bitch Jasmine).

So I had 40 of those puppies made, threw them in the mail and hope that I'm now adorning my loved ones refrigerator doors with my very own singles ad.

Maybe next year I'll pose with my cat because isn't that the next logical step?

Here I Am

Wow - over a year has passed. So much has changed yet so much is pretty much the same. Over the last year I have settled nicely into my condo, endured yet another failed relationship - but one that taught me a lot about what I want in life, had an AMAZING summer in Newport, judged a six week karaoke competition, visited the happiest place on earth...Disney World and got promoted! Overall - things are good.

Do I continue to have comical things happen to me - all the freaking time. I call them my Liz Lemon moments.

I did continue my match.com stint until recently. While judging karaoke I ran into one of the guys I was talking to on match. Now granted - immediately upon meeting him I knew it wasn't going to work however in true Liz Lemon fashion as I was walking out to my car I find him making out with some girl behind the building. Classic.

While dress shopping I stopped in this Asian store with cute promish/bridesmaidish type dresses. I pick up this really cute hot pink strapless number and the woman who owns the store comes up to me and asks "who are you shopping for??" while looking me up and down. I say yes and she immediately says "oh we don't have your size". I'm looking at her stunned as I'm holding up what I believe to be my size. And I say "excuse me" and she says - "our sizes run really small". I turn to my friend and am like "did she honestly just say that i'm too fat for these dresses??" yes she did - so we turned and left.

The Tuesday night before Thanksgiving my car unfortunately got broken into. Windows shattered - items stolen. All very upsetting. It was parked in front of my friend's house and when I discovered the car her sister came out to help put plastic up on the windows. I'm very distraught and upset and this car pulls up to my car. To which I scream out "what do you want?????? everything has already been stolen!!!" To which he says "Michelle??" (my friend's sister). He pulls the car over - they start chatting...and then he asks her out on a date! I'm thinking to myself...this is honestly the story of my life.

So yes- I've been here all along - I know you all have been missing the comedy sitcom situations of my life (however apparently in my absence I acquired a large asian population following my blog) but I promise I'm back and here to deliver.

Lemon Out!