Tagteam Back Again

I'm sorry. I know. I have disappeared. For the 2 people that read my blog on a consistent basis I have no excuse. I've actually been busy. I feel like so much has happened yet in the end so much is still the same.

To bring us all up to speed:

My mother has become my wingwoman and we almost got into a fight at a bar. I know - those two statements should not even be said apart let alone within the same sentence. My parents made one of their routine treks up to Providence for a visit. Their visits usually consist of the same things: lots of eating (usually italian), shopping at the PP mall, waterfire, and me sleeping on the couch. Anyway - so after dinner we decide to go to one of my favorite bars to watch the red sox/devil rays game. Ok my dad wanted to watch the game - I wanted to watch all of the cute guys watching the game.





So as we are standing there, I notice these two guys behind me. I also notice this 40 something probably approaching 50 something woman sit down at a nearby table with her girlfriend. She is totally trying to pick up the guys behind me in her true cougar style.





Hahah unfortunately I don't have a picture of this woman but I found this one to be so hysterical because the caption underneath was "If a rabid cougar wins Dancing With the Stars are you out?" The answer is yes.

So now I'm totally eavesdropping on their convo as she sauntered over to the guys. She is pretending the she knows them from somewhere and then I hear her say that she is a pole dancer. That's right a pole dancer. Oh wait. Did I mention that her arm was in a cast? Hahaha I can't even stop laughing writing this. So the guys are just entertaining her and then she goes back to her table. My mom and I are definitely glancing over (ok staring) in her direction because she is just a sight to see. I hear her saying John! John! Come over here! (she already was holding the other one captive with her one cougar paw). So I look at "John" and he tells me that is name isn't really John and that him and his friend told her that my mom was in fact their mom and that we were all family.

So we are laughing about it and all of a sudden cougar lady comes over with her prey (he definitely looked like he had been mauled at) and she starts rambling about how she "just came out to have a good time" and that her friend's son is dying (ok and you come to a sports bar) and that they "went out to take their mind off of things" and that there is "definitely some animosity here". So we all look at each and are like "no, no" "no animosity here" and then she says "well i want to hear it from her. and her" pointing at me and then my mom. so my mom and i are trying to hold back from laughing (i don't know if it was more that someone was picking a fight with us or the fact that the person had her arm in a cast) and we say "no - no animosity from us either". Not completely believing us she is looking around at everyone trying to be reassured. So eventually she is convinced and she decides to give us all fist pumps (even my dad at the bar who has no idea what is going on). Oh. I forgot to say that when she came over for her confrontation she had a mouth full of food and as she was yapping there was food/spit flying everywhere. Quite lovely.

So after our run-in with the cougar pole dancer we were able to get back to picking up these two gentlemen. Mom has had a few martinis so she is up out of her seat and we have started talking about her favorite topic - the election. She actually did really well fulfilling her wingwoman duties by talking to the one guy while I tried to charm the other one ("John"). The friend was being a good sport and actually was entertaining my mother. Not everyone would have done well in that situation (me out with my parents) but these guys were able to handle it pretty well - impressive.

At the end of the night we were a success - I gave "John" my number and avoided getting into a brawl with a cougar who dances on poles with one arm. What a team.




Update - "John" turned out to be an ass almost immediately after that night. I should have let the cougar eat him.